Bet You Didn't Expect That To Happen!

Curious how an invasion of Iraq might shape up? Why not try it out here.

Calling Dr. Fine, Calling Dr. Fine!

In his State Of The Union Speech, George's speechwriters told us to...

“IMAGINE those 19 hijackers with other weapons and other plans -- this time armed by Saddam Hussein. It would take one vial, one canister, one crate slipped into this country to bring a day of horror like none we have ever known. We will do everything in our power to make sure that that day never comes. (Applause.) “

With concern about Bush's obviously declining mental state, I thought I'd better consult a professional to help me understand this. I found the writings of this doctor illuminating:

"Some of my clients (have) serious paranoid disorders.... I have gone to extraordinary lengths to try to prove that their paranoid fears are unfounded, but rarely does "proof" have any effect.

People with a paranoid disorder IMAGINE all sorts of plots designed to do them in."

Poor guy. If there was no Saddam, Bush would certainly have to create one.

I Have Never Met You...

Finally, how we'll fund the war!

DIY

Need a solar-powered sub for your evil lair? Looking for ammo, grenades, or "unquestioning minions?" (no shortage of minions, lately). Designing a kitchen or bath for your secret rocket base under a dormant volcano? If so, think of the money you'll save if you just do it yourself.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH, Matey!

Dream of Dreams! The're making a movie of my favorite ride! Hey, it's not just some damn carny ride -it's a way of being...yo ho-ness.

More Foxes In The big Ol' Hen Condo

From Fortune magazine:

In December, President Bush named Thomas Kean, the former Republican governor of New Jersey, chairman of an independent commission examining the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. But FORTUNE has learned that Kean appears to have a bizarre link to the very terror network he's investigating--al Qaeda.

Here's how the dots connect: Kean is a director of petroleum giant Amerada Hess, which in 1998 formed a joint venture--known as Delta Hess--with Delta Oil, a Saudi Arabian company, to develop oil fields in Azerbaijan. One of Delta's backers is Khalid bin Mahfouz, a shadowy Saudi patriarch married to one of Osama bin Laden's sisters. Mahfouz, who is suspected of funding charities linked to al Qaeda, is even named as a defendant in a lawsuit filed by families of Sept. 11 victims. True, Hess is hardly the only company to cross paths with Mahfouz: He has shown up in dealings with, among others, ultra-secretive investment firm Carlyle Group and BCCI, the lender toppled by fraud in 1992.

Kean, who was unavailable for comment, may not have been aware of the Mahfouz connection. But Hess spokesman Carl Tursi did reveal another interesting coincidence: Three weeks before Kean's appointment, Hess severed its ties with Delta.

We Become The Thing We Hate

This Modern World has some interesting thoughts on Pentagon press releases about their war strategy:

When you read about the evils of Saddam's regime, it all almost begins to make sense. Maybe they're right, you think. Maybe the Iraqi people really will be grateful to have been liberated from this repressive, murderous, torturous regime.

And then you read This:


The US intends to shatter Iraq "physically, emotionally and psychologically" by raining down on its people as many as 800 cruise missiles in two days.


The Pentagon battle plan aims not only to crush Iraqi troops, but also wipe out power and water supplies in the capital, Baghdad.

It is based on a strategy known as "Shock and Awe", conceived at the National Defense University in Washington, in which between 300 and 400 cruise missiles would fall on Iraq each day for two consecutive days. It would be more than twice the number of missiles launched during the entire 40 days of the 1991 GulfWar.

"There will not be a safe place in Baghdad," a Pentagon official told America's CBS News after a briefing on the plan. "The sheer size of this has never been seen before, never been contemplated before."



And then you come to your senses.

If this is true, and not just some kind of planted Psyop story designed to freak out the Iraqis--well, fuck us all. Does even the most bloodthirsty warblogger honestly imagine that the Iraqi people are going to be grateful, if they even manage to survive a two day blitz of 300-400 cruise missiles?

Sometimes the cure really is worse than the disease.

Iraq Aids The US In The Buildup Of War Against Iraq?

From the Gaurdian.

Faisal Islam and Nick Paton Walsh in Moscow
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer

Facing its most chronic shortage in oil stocks for 27 years, the US has this month turned to an unlikely source of help - Iraq.

Weeks before a prospective invasion of Iraq, the oil-rich state has doubled its exports of oil to America, helping US refineries cope with a debilitating strike in Venezuela.

After the loss of 1.5 million barrels per day of Venezuelan production in December the oil price rocketed, and the scarcity of reserves threatened to do permanent damage to the US oil refinery and transport infrastructure. To keep the pipelines flowing, President Bush stopped adding to the 700m barrel strategic reserve.

But ultimately oil giants such as Chevron, Exxon, BP and Shell saved the day by doubling imports from Iraq from 0.5m barrels in November to over 1m barrels per day to solve the problem. Essentially, US importers diverted 0.5m barrels of Iraqi oil per day heading for Europe and Asia to save the American oil infrastructure.

The trade, though bizarre given current Pentagon plans to launch around 300 cruise missiles a day on Iraq, is legal under the terms of UN's oil for food programme.

So, what do you think this war is really about?

Superads

Hearing about the superbowl ads. A teaser for a new ABC show called "Am I Hot? The Search For The Sexiest Person In America."
OK.
Women fighting in a fountain and cement over beer-drinking philosophy, where the jiggle gets highlighted but the "let's make out" tag line gets cut.
OK.
The best, so far, seems to be a government ad that connected smoking pot with teenage girls getting pregnant. And here I was thinking that it all had something to do with sex, sperm & an egg! Where the hell have I been?!!!
OK. Ummm isn't that...you know...um crazy?
Actually, I'm glad that Mr. Bush took the time to spend $2 million to tell us about this groundbreaking scientific fact while only spending $3 million investigating the Sept. 11th attacks. We're a safer nation for it.
OK!

What A Card!

Nothing wakes you up better than standing in shower & listening to a feeble NPR reporter interviewing a Bush Administration official. Juan William's served up some softballs to Andrew Card. Some choice exchanges:

JW: Will the President use the state of the Union Address to reveal the proof he has that Saddam is seeking to build weapons of mass destruction?

AC: It's Saddam's responsibility to show that he doesn't have them.

So, the comment that Powell made a few weeks ago, that compelling "proof" of Iraq's hunt for weapons, seems to have been ill-advised, along with every other administration comment that they would ever offer up any proof backing up their assertions that we need to go to war. Here's another one:

JW: President Bush's approval rating has dropped considerably as more and more people are becoming concerned about the economy. Do you agree with this reason?

AC: No. I think that it's what you'd expect from the American people since the results of the mid-term elections. Besides, the president doesn't listen to polls....

What? Didn't the administration scream its head off about taking credit for their success in that election? Shouldn't that be a reason for approval and not the opposite? Perhaps the American people woke up after the midterms, put on the Talking Heads and cried out: "This is not my beautiful Congress...my god, what have I done?!!!!"

Card can get away with preposterous statements like this only because William's refuses to follow up his questions with questions like "what the hell does that mean?" or "you said there would be overwhelming proof for your reasons for going to war. You're avoiding the question. Put up or back the fuck down!"

Those kind of questions, however, will keep Andrew Card from ever coming on your show again to tell us more fun things...sigh.

Boxtops For Democracy?

I forgot to mention the best part of being a GOP team leader! For every action that you engage in (such as sending a flaming fax to Satan himself, Ted Kennedy), you get valuable GOP points! It's true! You can redeem them for hats, coolers, and nisty GOP merchandising - just like Joe Camel!

Attacks On A.N.S.W.E.R.

After the right gave up trying to limit the message of the peace marchers by questioning their numbers, they moved on to bashing A.N.S.W.E.R. By claiming that the organization was made up of Stalinists, they were looking to smear all of the protesters with the same label. No matter what the response of the Left is, there's no way to win when you play on such stupid terms:

"Protest, what protest? There were only 10,000 people there!"

Actually, there were hundreds of thousands."

"Well, they're all a bunch of Stalinists."

Actually, they were mostly everyday people including some Republicans."

"Well, ..." blah, blah blah...and so it goes! There's no going back to examining the untruths of the first claims because of the unending volley of new lies that keep coming. Then the whole thing melts away when a new issue comes along. This is how the Right doesn't ever have to answer for any of the ridiculous platforms it attempts to promulgate. Just say anything is their motto. The Left is still acting like a deer in the headlights, stunned by the last outrageous thing some right winged commentator said. Limbaugh & Coulter have made a career out of this. Facts? Hah! Fuck those? Ethics? Same! Say whatever the hell you want!

Liberal commentators don't need to take on this way of operating, despite the casting call the DNC made for a "pit-bull" of the left. Responding to the Right when they do this only plays into the game. We need to deal with it differently.

Sometimes I think that the best way to convince the American People that the Republicans agenda is dangerous for this country and the world is to sit back and let the GOP drive for a while. However, we've only got one planet so that's probably not a good idea. What the left might want to think about is publicizing at their Right's record
a little better. Embrace the class war, I say! Start talking about the polarization of wealth and the dismantling of the labor unions. Start talking about what the president means by "average tax cut." Start using Bush's exploitation of his religion against him. Start looking at where those in the forefront of criticizing A.N.S.W.E.R are getting their paychecks.

Let's get going on this.